thinking

Feel free NOT to read on


this is going to be a sad/depressing post - witch is a shame after a good weekend but i just cannot help myself. it was write or film this, but no one wants me see me sob on camera.
you know when you realise something that you just thought you were over and it had been resolved and everythings time etc etc etc?! and then you finally get "happy" and it just knocks you back down? and its such a hard hit you feel sick and you don't even know what just happened you just get that dread feeling as you come to realise and you just keep feeling sick and stupid for wasting your time, for spilling your heart out and then only to realise that actually, it was all for nothing and that you were probably laughed at or lied to or worse. encouraged. encouraged to keep talking and doing and seeing, paying, hoping, wishing sometimes even praying and FOR WHAT?!
its the corners of my mouth that go first, they turn into play dough and get streached out into a line that slowly creeps down, then my eyes water, my nose puffs away... and then youre crying.
ive really just had enough of being taken for a ride, taken advantage of, used as a last resort, lied to.
okay - now im sorry to 'rant' on but you know when youre down and theres just no picking yourself up until youve cleared out your head and written about it or spoken about it...